Cultivating Inner Beauty

Being engaged has opened a realm of new possibilities.  Such as, I never thought I’d be a wedding planner, but I am one.  An ocean between me and the Love of my Life is teaching us how to communicate well (or reveal how much more we need to learn).  Budgeting for a life of two is resurfacing all sorts of life dysfunctions I’ve acquired about money, time, and space.  But most of all, engagement is a process that reveals the mettle of my personal character and devotion to my significant other.  (Think the difference between “bridezilla and the wedding from hell” versus “one of the most memorable moments of our lives. swoon.”)  And we are helping each other discover who we are becoming.

Christi taught me so much about slowing down – being deliberate with my words, considering Christ in my decisions, to simmer rather than to burn.  For example, later after the proposal (another story for another time) I asked her, “When should we update our Facebook status?” Because as you know, it’s not official until you confess before God and Mark Z.  With a patient look, she simply asked me, “How about we take our time with this? Let’s tell our family first.”  Snap.

I’m also learning more and more that Christi is a deep person.  I can be all over the map – doing this and that, going here and there, Texas-wide and an inch deep, the busy bee, etc.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing. But she has an knack for balance. “The wider you go, the deeper I go.”  She challenges me to be a man of substance and quality, not busyness and activity.

Final reflection: I’m still processing and living out the 5 Pillars of Manhood – core principles given to me by God on how to live as His son.  Christ perfectly embodies these characteristics, and it’s an on-going process of becoming more like Him.  But if I could risk identifying one pillar of womanhood that Christi is teaching me, it’s this: Cultivate Inner Beauty.

I see this in 1 Peter 3:4, “Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

I love how The Message translates it as “Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.”  Wow!  As  a man of God, this is an incredibly attractive quality – one that I see in Christi, and one of the countless reasons why I delight in my future spouse.  I love that this beauty is “unfading.”  But it’s also an on-going process of cultivation, refinement, pruning, and self-revelation.

However our culture views a “quiet spirit” as being helpless, silent, marginalized, childish, anti-feminist, etc.  Not so!  Western culture reinforces this by rewarding people who are articulate and out-spoken.  Eastern culture rewards people who are quiet and speak only what is necessary – like the wise Kung-fu master who asks the over-anxious, over-zealous student, “How can one fill a cup, if it’s already full?”  The one who feels no need to prove themselves through shouting and overwhelming their opponent often exudes more power and authority.

I see having quietness of spirit as one who’s inner-life is steady and rooted in God.  Do you need a man or woman to “complete you”?  Jerry Maguire set relationships back light years because so many people fall for the fallacy of completion by another person.  God is the one who completes us – not our jobs, not a person, not wealth, status or other worldly things. When we find our true satisfaction in the One above, something happens within our souls – there is an inner peace, or “quiet spirit” where the dust settles in life, you look around and see where the pieces land, and you know who you are.  You don’t strive as much.

I believe it takes two whole people to make a healthy successful relationship.  Note that I didn’t say perfect; I meant renewed by the grace of God.  Here’s the idea: relationships are not meant to have an addition effect; relationships have a multiplying effect on a person.  For example, if I was 1/2 of a person that  needed to be “completed” by my “other” 1/2 a person, you would think that  1/2 + 1/2 = 1. But it’s not!  Actually, the way relationships work, it’s more like 1 x 1 = 1.  You may grow or shrink exponentially based on where you are in life.  But what happens when it’s 1/2 x 1/2 = 1/4.  You actually get less than what you started out with.  Obviously life is not so simplistic, but hopefully you get the idea.  God is the one who completes us.  We often underestimate the love that we are meant to share, and overestimate our abilities to compensate for our dysfunctions.  God is love, and we need God to teach us how to be like Him.

As a Man of God, I’m frustrated by how so many men hide the incredible quality of their wives, girlfriends, mothers, and sisters.  We squash their light with our frustrations, insecurities, laziness, and failures.  I lament at how I see some leaders ignore their wives for their other spouse called “ministry”, “work”, or “money.”  I challenge men to love the women in their lives with passion and gusto.  Not because we have to meet a certain standard, or to fulfill a duty.  But if you truly love someone, then you will be compelled to.  You will see how she is the apple of God’s eyes, so you better mind your manners.  You cannot help but shower that person with love – it’s agape aka sacrificial/charity love.  True love is supernatural.  (You get the point so my rant stops here.)

I’m learning that Christi is gorgeous, strong, vibrant, competent, insightful, earnest, compassionate, wise, vocal, and gracious.  But more than my mortal words, the everlasting Creator speaks true beauty over her and is ever revealing her authentic nature as a daughter of the God Most High.  Now, that’s hot.

Marriage is a gift.  But it is also the crucible in which God reveals His undying love for us.

As a disclaimer, I do not suggest that I fully understand the depth and breadth of this truth, and by no means is this complete.  I am still learning and seeking to understand God’s beauty and calling for all of us as His sons and daughters.  Dear Sisters in Christ (all you Women of God and Mothers of Faith) I welcome your guidance, refinements, affirmations, and insights.

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